can you imagine, if 9 months ago you made a stupid, blindly romantic decision and now you have to accept that you're a father? I believe, no matter how illegitimate the newborn is, how big the embarrassment endured by the family, you will feel... happy. happy about a miracle that happened out of a mistake. extremely happy. that's what my state-of-(mind & heart) at this very moment. but, of course, without a baby.
this year, without doubt, is one hell of a year. the amount of stress, though might be unseen on my seen-able parts, translated to a brief experience of insomnia, nose-bleeding(s), chest pain, and the worst, a sudden burst of feeling to start crying without tears. I believe all of you, my 3 audiences, know what the cause is but please, I don't want to talk about it now. I will explain, soon, but not on this chapter.
I'm not sure that it justify my recent action, still. well yeah logically speaking, of course not. but I start to know myself a bit more, my part that came out when I'm under extreme level of mental stress. deep inside, sometime I feel (don't be scared, please) that my life will not be that long and... I have to live today as I want to live it today. The past is past and I'm no Hiro Nakamura. The future will be well taken care by the future me. And that's what i did. I gave myself a treat, more like the man that you read earlier. And it's a serious treat.
I bought a car.
with all the justification to make myself feel better. "it was an accident" is of course NOT the kind of excuse from me. Indeed, I did encounter some scenes where I need a car and taking a cab is, surprisingly, a difficult choice to fit in. I bought the cheapest decent car to lessen the damage. I took a 1.2L engine, and join a government's scheme that only allow me to use it during off-peak hours in return of a massive 17k discount. it's in singapore dollar. And I just got a this increment that, based on an online source, officially placed me in the top 20% of Singapore annual income for my age group. but with this much debt, though I know he already told me that I don't need to return it, I feel guilty at times.
but a few hours ago, I couldn't lie even to myself, the feeling when I collected the car. it is so beautiful. it is so amazing. it is so... slow... but that car has a very important thing to be mine at such a cost: it showcase an innovation well deployed and a style of it's own. It is capable of being different without being killed.
No matter how big this mistake might be, I truly love it.
29.11.07
4.11.07
let me tell you something about my job.
an engineer, is a profession that everybody dreamt of when they're in highschool, and then that same everybody have nightmare for years after getting their degree. if you have trouble believing that, just be one and look around.
it is always being portrayed as a profession where you work hard with less pay. you'll be sad with 3% annual increment and happy with 5%. you cant leave your job before 6pm and your pay get deducted when you come 5 mins late. you always lose when comparing your salary to other friend in other business, and will say nothing when knowing your ex-classmate that now work in a bank, earning twice than your boss. you will say "YES" to another job that pays 5% more than where you're now working at.
that is the typical mourning that I heard from my profession-mate. one day when they do that again, I'll happily say "FOR GOD SAKE, YOU'RE LOOKING FOR STRAWBERRY IN A BOOK STORE". you can find one of course, coz some book store nowadays have cafe inside. just look at the shortcakes in the display cooler and sometime you can find some halves on top of the yellow or white ones... but well that's not what we're talking about at the moment... focus!
the point is, people often mistake an engineer as a profession close to a banker, as more and more engineering graduates work in a bank. the benchmark to compare your job with other people in the country, is always, on how much you're getting annually. Just google some websites discussing hot jobs and you'll find the list - job: engineer - in the top #100 job in the world. YAY!! we made it to top #100, eventhough at rank #91. no wonder people look down on my job.
engineering, is a passion.
it is more like a teacher. you be one because you like it, nothing less. it is more like a cook. you do because you know how to create things. it is more like a doctor, you solve problems that other people brought to you. it is by nature an honest and modest job that you do because your heart tell you to do so.
to make things more dramatic, you wont be noted as noble as a teacher, you wont be praised for your dish like a cook, and no engineer save lifes. I even have problem explaining what I'm doing in laymen term. so what good is it being an engineer?
...
I just like it. I like it when there's a problem, and nobody can solve it. everybody ask : why? and then you do your homework, analyze the problem systematically, quickly do a containment action, find the root cause and solve it. and you answer the question that only you can answer it. a simple trial can end up savings millions of dollars... and people acknowledge you of being knowledgable. I still remember those moments.
well, it's truly more difficult to see what you have, rather than what you have not.
it is always being portrayed as a profession where you work hard with less pay. you'll be sad with 3% annual increment and happy with 5%. you cant leave your job before 6pm and your pay get deducted when you come 5 mins late. you always lose when comparing your salary to other friend in other business, and will say nothing when knowing your ex-classmate that now work in a bank, earning twice than your boss. you will say "YES" to another job that pays 5% more than where you're now working at.
that is the typical mourning that I heard from my profession-mate. one day when they do that again, I'll happily say "FOR GOD SAKE, YOU'RE LOOKING FOR STRAWBERRY IN A BOOK STORE". you can find one of course, coz some book store nowadays have cafe inside. just look at the shortcakes in the display cooler and sometime you can find some halves on top of the yellow or white ones... but well that's not what we're talking about at the moment... focus!
the point is, people often mistake an engineer as a profession close to a banker, as more and more engineering graduates work in a bank. the benchmark to compare your job with other people in the country, is always, on how much you're getting annually. Just google some websites discussing hot jobs and you'll find the list - job: engineer - in the top #100 job in the world. YAY!! we made it to top #100, eventhough at rank #91. no wonder people look down on my job.
engineering, is a passion.
it is more like a teacher. you be one because you like it, nothing less. it is more like a cook. you do because you know how to create things. it is more like a doctor, you solve problems that other people brought to you. it is by nature an honest and modest job that you do because your heart tell you to do so.
to make things more dramatic, you wont be noted as noble as a teacher, you wont be praised for your dish like a cook, and no engineer save lifes. I even have problem explaining what I'm doing in laymen term. so what good is it being an engineer?
...
I just like it. I like it when there's a problem, and nobody can solve it. everybody ask : why? and then you do your homework, analyze the problem systematically, quickly do a containment action, find the root cause and solve it. and you answer the question that only you can answer it. a simple trial can end up savings millions of dollars... and people acknowledge you of being knowledgable. I still remember those moments.
well, it's truly more difficult to see what you have, rather than what you have not.
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